But it was her ankles that had got my attention. She was wearing a chanka / a silver anklet that made soft sounds as she moved.
Noticing that I was staring at them, she said, "Like them? I bought them on a whim from a cute little paan shop near Dharamsala but had never worn them before. "
"So why now?"
She stuttered.
Realising my slip of the tongue, I continued, "I was just hoping you would say that it was for me… reminds me of home…"
Her eyes lit up and she shrugged like a little girl caught stealing a cupcake from the fridge. She nudged me sleepishly.
We stood there in silence. I tried hard to think of something to say, but dammit – I couldn't think of even one subject. Oh – I did use one – "becoming cold now – isn’t it?"
An elderly lady wandered between us and broke off the silence. "You two look alike. Are you brother and sister?"
"No," I replied a bit disturbed that it would seem like that, but then Lia continued, " that has never happened to me… I think it's a good sign."
Sign of what I wonder.
In the car, a red toyota that had seen better days, we had no problem striking up a conversation. Maybe the darkness helps me overcome my shyness and I can let go more easily than before.
As we approached the ticket counter, I took out my purse and went to buy the tickets but she stopped me. "I suggested we see the movie so I will pay."
We argued to and fro – and finally we agreed on the following deal: she would pay for the movie and I would pay for the restaurant later.
Suddenly, some guy approached us and began talking to her. It seemed that they were friends and he was passing by. He slapped me on my back and said, "Man – do you know how long I haven't spoken to her?"
I wanted to answer – so nice for you. Lets continue the tradition!
He stuck to us and began to talk of things that I haven't a clue about: baseball, college and something called Passion, which I managed to figure out was some kind of TV show.
I felt lost and small. I began to have doubts about myself – how will we get along? We barely talked outside the bakery and then even in the car – it was mostly about her trip to India. Is that all I can offer her? A sentimental journey to the east?
I wonder – when you Americans see us, what do you see? Do you see something exotic or just another normal person?
Please comment and tell me!
Only when we had to enter, did he stop talking and I was grateful. "Sorry," Lia said, "I used to work around here and I know a lot of people here."
"No problem," I answered. "It didn't disturb me." I was trying to show that I was "cool" about the whole intrusion, but maybe I shouldn't have. I felt a wave of distaste swarm over her complexion.
The movie was not really good – the regular song-dance-fighting hindi scene, but she seemed to like it. Like all Hindi movies, it was a long thing – 3 and a half hours.
As we walked out, I was about to suggest a nice quiet café,but she said, "Ajay, do you mind if we postpone the restaurant? I am pooped and I need to work tomorrow?"
Maybe it was that remark about the intrusion, or maybe it was something else – I really don't know, but I can't understand it. An American friend said that it was because I didn't kiss her goodnight.
Why?
I didn't not because I didn't like her, but it just seemed odd doing it so soon. Is there something wrong with me? Or is the "glamour" or "exotic" feeling she might have received being with me – no longer there?
I have called her up a few times since and we have talked for short periods of time – but the same problem arises: what the hell do I say? I wrote conversational subjects and even wrote exact sentences – but they don't seem to evolve into anything.
I am scared – Should I ask her out?
What if she says no? Maybe, she is not interested…
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