A Joke for a Change Instead of Singles Stories

The Nun teaching Sunday school was speaking to her class one Sunday morning and she asked the question, "When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body goes first?"



Suzie raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands."



"Why do you think it's your hands, Suzie?"



Suzie replied, "Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first!"



"What a wonderful answer!" the Nun said.



Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs".



The Nun looked at him with the strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be your legs?"



Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom the other night, Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying, 'O God, I'm coming!' If Dad hadn't had her pinned down, we'd have lost her."

Horrible American Singles

Yesterday - I have to say for the first time - I ran into some truely horrible american singles.

They were loud and made a drunken racket. Behaving like they owned the place, they went on to spill their beer all over the bar.

But - I was even willing to ignore that - there was a young pretty girl among them - brunette with long curls and eyelashes that could swing to a salsa beat. Her hazel eyes was an aded bonus and when she smiled - I felt light coming out from her.

She was wearing a light yellow short top that ended near her midriff and a long black skirt with a white strike in them. Thinking I had a chance i tried to get her alone but she was always with them..

and then....

she began to come over ...

I smiled - and so did she ....

standing in front of me - I said hi - and she ssaid Hi too

suddenly she picked up her t-shirt and thrust her sizable breasts towards me - want to touch she asked?

I was stunned and didn't know what to say - she asked again as her friends cheered roudily - she was drunk - and I told her so -

she came even closer and she pressed her open chest into my face - i moved away (even though i did't terribly mind)

she said - yeah well - thats all you will get to see - want more - pay up.

I left the bar and I can still hear their laughing ...

and to think I thought she was a nice girl...

Love Success Stories After a Scam (2) By Alan Prince

Tina (not her real name) is a 45 year old divorced lady, with grown up children who have families of their own already. She began to search for a date online to meet her emotional needs.

According to her, she wanted a companion and a soul mate with who she could share her life together. She set up a profile on one of the popular dating sites on the internet and soon she was contacted by a man who claimed to be a professional, also divorced but on a job location in Africa.

Well, to cut a long story short, months later, she had been scammed of tens of thousands of dollars by the man, who turned out to be one of the many scammers prowling dating sites nowadays.

She joined a scam support group and soon was able to get over the sad experience. She healed gradually and began to meet other people in the group.

Soon, she began to help other people to also get over the same experience she had been through. One of such people was a man named Ted (not real name). He was a year older than her and stayed in a town about three hours’ distance from her place. They began to correspond often and after some weeks, they had a date where they met in person for the first time.

The two of them hit it off immediately and became good friends. In just a matter of months after losing their money and heart to romance scams, Ted and Tina had become engaged to be married. They are presently having the time of their lives.

Being scammed is not the end of life. You can always rise above the sad experience and find love again. You must not allow a scam experience to make you bitter and unable to find love again. You only need to meet the right people and in a short while, you would have gotten over the scam. And better still, you will find true love.

Would you like to learn how you can navigate the often treacherous waters of internet dating without any regrets? Alan Prince has helped many people to get dates, interact with others and make new friends via his writings and counsel. You can get useful information on how you can find the love of your life safely on the internet at elovedeceptions and Al Prince

Article Source: http://ezinearticles.com/?Love-Success-Stories-After-a-Scam-(2)&id=768621

Summary: Many people use the internet to get a date or to find the love of their life. Unfortunately, this search has turned sour for many sincere people. Can anyone still find a true love via online dating?

Understanding Married Women

Though I normally write about dating singles and focus on single women, I just had to share with you all another joke someone sent to me about married women. It was so funny that I simply had to share it with you as well. Enjoy!

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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and, in a booming voice, the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish."




The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over anytime I want.



The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the enormous challenges for that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of something that would honor and glorify me."



The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I wish that I could understand my wife. I want to know how she feels inside, what she's thinking when she gives me the silent treatment, why she cries, what she means when she says 'nothing's wrong,' and how I can make a woman truly happy."



The Lord replied, "You want two lanes or four on that bridge???"

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Did you think it was funny? I did. And anyway, sorry for deviating, the next ting will go back to be about dating American singles.

Great Way to Meet American Singles

One of the easest and simplest ways of meeting american singles is by using the internet dating site, AmericanSingles.com. They help you find real women and men
for real romance, relationships and friendships. You also have a wide range of attractive singles to choose from as their membership list is longer than a few millions and also from all around the world.

Other factors that you should take into consideration:

1. This dating site has been matchmaking couples for a number of years and they have used their experience to formulate ways to find matching American singles.
2. You will be able to find singles from America and many other countries and also from all professions. You could use this dating site for Americans to locate a new friend, penpal or begin something new with a girl or boy.
3. Setting up your very own personal ad and adding a snap costs you absolutely nothing. You can even search for other American singles for free. And if you want to get more, for the price of 2 tickets to the local cinema and drinksm you gain complete access to all their features such as email, instant messaging and live chatting.
4. This American dating site uses systems that are secure and guarantee you the privacy you want. No one will know your details unless you allow them!
5. In addition to all this, they supply tips, suggestions and articles to help you in all your dating experiences.

I used AmericanSingles.com to find love and though I am still looking, I found many interesting people that I still am in contact with. I hope you find love soon and so do I. Best of Luck!

How to Win Over an American Woman

Interested in Dating American Singles?
Read about a simple method that if you use will guarantee that you make a lot of progress with any American girl.

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,
A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,
B-U-L-L- S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.
A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that while Hard Work and Knowledge will get you close to snuggling up to an American woman, and Attitude will get you there. It's the Bullshit and Ass kissing that will put you over the top and into the pants or skirts of an American woman! :)

Dating Singles - Funny Anecdotes

I received this by email and though I don't know who wrote it, it was so funny that I just had to post it on this blog about American singles.

WHITE SINGLE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her,,,, and never get head again.

CHINESE SINGLE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN SINGLE WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

ARAB SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead.
No third date.