This is a sex and relationship column. Let’s talk about something sex and relationship-y. I was going to write on my speed dating experience, but unfortunately, it has been cancelled. This is the 2nd meet people in person type of event I have signed up for in the name of research (my boyfriend is not overly happy about this) that has been cancelled. Maybe there are only 5 single people in Arizona and all
dating service have a hard time getting an acceptable 15. Or, more likely, the organization of these dating event planners sucks. Because really, who grows up and says I want to be an event planner”? (If you have just shouted Me! indignantly at your computer screen, you are in your first year of college. Give it a semester).
Here’s how I used to imagine my speed dating or organized group dating experiences (when I was single):
I’m in a white sundress, which shows off my perfectly toned arms and tan. The room is full of bottle-blonds with excessive lipstick, and I see HIM scanning them all. Then his topaz eyes land on me. I blush and look down, shy. When he gets to my table for our 3-minute date, the first thing he says is You took my breath away. I find out he’s a pediatrician who volunteers for the local fire department on the weekends. He doesn’t even need to work, his family is so rich. We live happily ever after.
Amazing, yes? Disregard the fact that I don’t have a tan, and my upper arms aren’t toned, and
dating personals a doctor would probably annoy me because you couldn’t argue with him on what was and wasn’t good for you.
Where do we get this fantasy? It’s the same unbridled hope that springs up at supermarkets when we can only see the back of the guy in front of us in line, and we think What if he’s the one? You know you do this, girls. We all do.
And men, don’t think you’re exempt. You want the fantasy too. You don’t care how it happens, but you want the gorgeous, slim 25 year old that laughs at your every joke and can’t get enough of performing oral sex.
I blame romantic comedies. Or Romanticism in general. Did you ever read Wuthering Heights? That is one screwed up book. Nobody is normal. But it’s romantic. Let me define romantic: you think something should be a certain way because you feel so strongly about it. You think you deserve someone who is, frankly, out of your league, so you won’t settle. (Side note: Men, you are the worst at this. You are really good at calling out where your friend’s lie on the in or out of my league issue, but when you try to do it for yourself, you are pitiful. This is not an opinion; this is a fact. Just letting you know. If you want to know if a girl is out of your league, ask your least tactful male friend. Or heck, your most tactful. Won’t make much of a difference).
If we approached dating as
find singles someone who we could get along with while being stranded on a desert island for 5 years, instead of a wish list, we would be better off, I think. Observe:
Wish List:
-Attractive (looks good for your friends and mother)
-Tall (looks good for your friends and mother)
-Good relationship with his mother (well, you know)
-Sensitive (buys you flowers, which impresses your friends and mother)
What I Could Get Along With While Stranded on a Desert Island
-Strong (can built a hut from palm trees, or move your couch)
-Intelligent (knows what the Geneva Convention is and what plants are poisonous)
-Handy (fix the sink, build a boat)
-Tech-y (fix your computer.I don’t know, create some sort of communicating mechanism to the outside world with island products only?)
See? See what long-term benefits you get from focusing on a long-term partnership, as opposed to how things will look? I’ve omitted Good in bed because I feel that would apply to both.
So, while I love Sandra Bullock and Gennifer Goodwin (and don’t get me wrong. I love them both. I would almost kill for them. Also, I’m using parenthesis a lot tonight. Also, there are only four glasses of wine in one bottle. Just so you know), I feel that that the movies they star in represent a fake world that give us fake hopes. Except The Net. That was pretty good and completely realistic.
So forget the romantic comedy. You probably aren’t going to run into your dream man in the grocery store. He probably won’t have every personality trait you hoped for. Men, this goes for you too. Giant breasts are not technically a personality trait.
Give people a chance. You’re probably better off with someone who passes the Desert Island test than someone who fits your Dream Date profile. As my last piece of advice, regardless of the situation, in no circumstances date the guy who does the recap for the different Housewives seasons. He is the most annoying person ever. (Guess what I’m watching now).
Source: http://www.examiner.com/x-8510-Real-Relationship-Examiner~y2009m5d22-What-to-really-look-for-in-a-date
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