So, I'm looking through old documents, trying to finish some old article ideas I started, when I came across this old CL post--composed as a retort to some similar piece of crap designed to translate women's false descriptions of themselves on dating sites. Yeah, yeah, some men tell the truth on the sites. Maybe some do. But if they do, you can chalk it up to a twist of fate. And, yeah, women exaggerate a little on these things. But what's good for the goose . . ..
Guide for Decoding Men's Personal Ads:
42......................................................62.
Adventurous...................................Unemployed.
Athletic............................................Jock itch.
Average looking..............................Weeping sores, chubby, toothless, etc.
Thinning hair...................................Bald as a cue ball.
Self-employed……...........................Unemployed.
Handsome, I guess..........................I guess NOT.
Centered, Buddhist.........................Right fuckin' nuts.
Knows how to please a woman......Can't sustain an erection.
Likes to please her first..................Can't sustain an erection.
Spiritual............................................Can't get an erection.
Likes petite women.........................Teeny-weeny wienie
Wants to find true love....................Wants to get into your pants.
Friendship first.................................Wants to get into your pants.
Misses being married......................Still in love with his ex/wants to get into your pants.
Nature lover.....................................Homeless/lives under an overpass.
Stocky...............................................Beer belly/manboobs.
Unconventional...............................Think giant silk undies and size 13 heels.
Looks younger than he is...............Delusional and legally blind.
Free thinker.....................................g-g-g-gay.
Open-minded..................................Desperate.
Outgoing...........................................Loud and Embarrassing.
Good sense of humor......................Laughs at all his own jokes.
Good businessman..........................Cheap as dirt.
Professional......................................Unemployed lawyer (trust me).
Big guy..............................................Tall and enormously fat.
Large frame......................................Think Chris Farley's grandpa.
Wants Soul mate..............................Stalker.
Seen the world..................................You could be woman #763!!!
Loves to travel..................................He's moving on in a hurry.
Intellectual.........................................IQ just above room temperature.
Separated...........................................Married.
Divorced.............................................Separated.
Single...................................................Involved
5' 10"...................................................5' 7"
6' 4".....................................................7' 2"
5' 7".....................................................Leprechaun/Tattoo/Gary Coleman
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