Dating Singles - Funny Anecdotes

I received this by email and though I don't know who wrote it, it was so funny that I just had to post it on this blog about American singles.

WHITE SINGLE WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary position.

IRISH SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti and meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a Mistress.

JEWISH SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You get terrific head.
Second Date: You get even more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her,,,, and never get head again.

CHINESE SINGLE WOMEN
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
Third date: You don't even get to the third date and you've already realized nothing is ever going to happen.

INDIAN SINGLE WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
Third Date: You get to pay her rent
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, his girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins, her sister's Boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.

ARAB SINGLE WOMEN
First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire arab community finds out.
Second Date: You are shot dead.
No third date.

How to Fuck Up a Date with American Singles?

OR How to Get Out of a Date with Ugly Women!

Do you go out on many blind dates? Do you date American singles after contacting them through the internet at any of the many online dating sites?

If you do – then you, like me, will have invariably, have run into those attractive looking-women on the internet who when you meet have suddenly become into the ugly version of Cinderella. Either they will be grossly overweight and instead of stating it outright – they will mention that they are of average weight or they will submit a picture of them years ago – when they were beautiful.

I find these women (or men) insulting! Why did they lie?
What I can never get is what do these ugly women and men expect when we meet? I have come expecting something else – and then get someone completely different.

In a hope that it will not hurt their feelings too much, I have devised a set of actions and behaviour that guarantees that these ugly men and women will want to get rid off you!

• Out for a Ball: Ask them if they are looking for a serious relationship? If they answer that they are – then hint that you are looking for a one-night stand. But beware! I wasn't paying attention to what my ugly date was saying and I found out that though she was looking for a serious relationship – she was willing to suspend that tonight.
• Eying Hot Women: Look at the nearest attractive women. If you can, make sure that she notices this.
• Unreliable: Talk about your dating escapades with attractive American singles and divulge intimate details about them. You don't have to really divulge true information – make up things.
• A Cheater: During your conversation, let it "slip" that you had cheated on your former girlfriend. Then, state that the affair didn't mean anything to you, but that your girlfriend didn't understand why.
• Emphasize it: Listen to her advice, suggestions and talk and then let it slip that you had cheated on another girlfriend as well. The point is that she understand that you have a history of cheating on your girlfriends with other beautiful American singles.
• The Bill: When the waiter comes with the bill, don't pick it up. Let it lie there and then after a few minutes – pick it up and begin to calculate out aloud how much you spent. Make certain that you come off as a mean and cheap person!
• Goodnight Kiss: When you come to her door, she might be expecting a kiss. At this point, if you were with a beautiful American woman or man, you would be waiting for this moment, but this is the moment to dread if you are with an ugly woman. Don't wait and instead just say goodbye and drive away. I don't think she will wait for you to call.

I am well aware that all of the above suggestions are pretty obnoxious and that you might think I am a rotten guy, but I am not. I just hate it that American singles (men and women) think that they can waste my time. It bugs me that these characters supply unreliable pictures of themselves – don't they realize that I will find out as soon as I see them? But then – go figure out these ugly American singles!